Father's Day
by anakinlove
Summary: Dick and Tim decide to take Bruce out for some father's day festivities.


Robin was sitting in his room, reading a book. The titans always made fun of him for reading, but he liked it. So engrossed was he in the book, he didn't hear the rustle behind him. There was a small thump on the ceiling, but Robin didn't look up. That was to be his downfall.

He had just made it to the fifteenth page, an achievement in itself because he had only been reading for twenty minutes, when he heard a voice whisper "boo", right next to his ear. Robin gave a high pitched yelp like a wounded dog and leapt up, almost colliding with the thing hanging from the ceiling behind him. His book toppled to the ground and he assumed one of his fighting positions.

Of course, he immediately relaxed into scowl once he actually saw what had caused his fright. A gleeful looking Nightwing was hanging upside down from his bedroom ceiling, giggling like a five year old. "You look just like that bat when you make that face", he said, and fell into giddy laughter again. Robin crossed his arms and gazed angrily at his older brother, hanging upside down from his ceiling.

"You are such a stalker Wing", Robin said. "What is your freken problem?" Nightwing did a small flip and landed standing up in front of Robin.

"Language, language little bird", he mocked.

"What are you doing here?" Robin asked foul naturedly, still annoyed that he had been scared so easily.

"Aren't you glad to see me?" Nightwing asked in a mock wounded tone, "I was sure my favorite little brother would be ever so pleased to see me hanging upside down from his ceiling and come to play. You used to love it when I came to play back at Brucie's house, remember?"

The infectious grin on Nightwing's face quickly won Robin over and he allowed himself a small smile. Despite his annoyance, he was genuinely pleased to see Nightwing again. He hadn't seen him in such a long while. "There's the ticket", Nightwing said playfully, grabbing his brother in an arm hold so he could ruffle his hair. Robin laughed and twisted out of Nightwing's hold. He hugged him fondly.

"I missed you", he said.

"I missed ya too kid", Nightwing replied, squeezing him tightly.

"So anyway", Robin continued, "Why are you here?" He sat down on the bed in front of Nightwing, who straddled a chair and put his chin on his hands.

"What", Nightwing asked defensively, "I'm not allowed to pay social calls anymore. I have to have a reason for everything I do?"

Robin raised an eyebrow. "I know you're here for a reason Wing, you might as well spit it out," he replied.

"Alright, alright", Nightwing said, "If we must rush through preliminaries. I was actually coming here to ask you if you'd care to join me in a little surprise I'm planning to play on our mutual friend and mentor, the Bat."

"I would", Robin said, "but I'm rather fond of my internal organs, which would be what I would lose if I followed any of your schemes involving him."

"Come now Tummy, it's almost father's day and I was thinking, wouldn't it be grand if we got together a little something for him, being that we haven't really all been getting along lately." Robin shrugged.

"I hate it when you call me tummy", he growled.

"And that is why I do it my small skinny, friend", Nightwing replied jovially. Wing was right though, they hadn't all been getting along. Robin and Batman had had yet another argument about how hard Batman was on him. Robin considered him too tough, but while Nightwing was desperately trying to mediate, he had tried to make Tim understand. "It's just because of Jason", he had said, "try to be patient with him. I know how hard headed he can get sometimes. I lived with him for how long?"

"I guess I could help you," Robin said cautiously, "What did you have in mind?"

"Well", said Nightwing, "how about I tell you about it on the way to my roost. I brought my Wing cycle and we can get Chinese food. This is going to take some planning, my little surprise. After all, it does have to be stupendous. It is for _him_."

"Ok", Robin said, "I'll just tell the Titans and we can go." He got up and, noticing his book on the ground, picked it up and put it on his bed. Nightwing snatched it away to look at it.

"Ohh gross", he said, "the Bat finally coerced you into reading this monstrosity." He held the book at arms length by the corner, a disgusted look painted across his face, as if it were the most horrible thing he had ever seen.

Robin grabbed the book away from him and said, "It's not that bad."

"The history of the Boomerang, really Timmy, come now, I thought you were lame before... The Bat's been trying to get me to read that for years and I still haven't been pulled into its evil, undead embrace." Nightwing crossed his eyes and held his hands out, giving low zombie moans. Robin rolled his eyes.

"Go get your bike warmed up", he said, "and don't do that hanging from my ceiling thing again. You look like a big ugly blue and black spider and I get the urge to grab a broom and smack you with it."

"Every time I see you, I get that urge, you little vermin", Nightwing said, a wicked grin on his face. Robin lunged for him, but Nightwing dodged artfully and tossed himself out the window, freefalling for twenty feet before being caught by his rope and swinging down onto his bike. He waved to Robin from down below and revved the engine.

000000000

Nightwing and Robin giggled violently as they walked swiftly through the halls of the Justice league, their hands filled with large boxes of crayons and stacks of paper. Robin whispered something to Nightwing and they both erupted into harder laughter, almost running into Apache Chief, who stalked off cursing in some ancient Apache tongue. The two boys staggered past Superman, who was talking to Wonder Woman in the corridor. "What are they doing?" Wonder Woman asked.

"I don't know", Superman replied, "they're always up to something. I think it comes from spending too much time with Batman." Superman was later walking through the same corridors when he heard arguing from behind a closed door.

"Richard Greyson, you give me that purple crayon right now or I swear..."

"No, this is my favorite crayon and you're going to break it."

"I am not."

"You are a dirty stinking crayon breaker Timothy Drake and you are never getting my purple mountains majesty, no way no how." Superman opened the door and came in.

"What are you two doing", he asked. Nightwing and Robin immediately whipped around with guilty expressions on their faces, hiding something behind them from view. There were crayons strewn all over the table behind them as well, some on the ground.

"Nothing", the boys said in unison.

"This is something that Batman shouldn't know about, right?" Superman asked.

"Yes", said Nightwing, coming foreward to put a hand on Superman's shoulder, "and it will stay unknown to him if you just pretend you didn't see anything here." He pushed Superman out the door and closed it behind him. "Now, where was I…Timothy Drake you give me that purple crayon this minute. That is my crayon."

"I'm just gona use it for a second, I won't break it I prom…" Crack!

"You broke my favorite crayon!" Superman walked away, shaking his head. I probably don't want to know anyway, he said.

00000000

Bruce Wayne was sleeping quietly. He was having a wonderful dream about the Joker's funeral when irritating voices penetrated his brain. "No, no, no, dumb ass, if we put it on him now and he wakes up, he'll spill it all over the place."

"But it's heavy Tim, come on, let me put it down just one second."

"No."

"Well, I don't see you helping carry this thing."

'You're such a baby Dick, yeesh." Bruce tried his best to block the voices out, but they continued to swirl around persistently in his head until he opened one eye to see what could be annoying him so badly.

What he saw when he opened the eye was his two sons bickering quietly, standing next to his bed. His eldest appeared to have something large in his hands. Bruce rolled over, wondering if he was still dreaming.

"Shh, he's awake", Tim whispered, "ok, one, two, three, Surprise!" Bruce opened both his eyes and sat up slowly.

"What are you two doing here?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Well, it is Father's day silly", Dick said, putting something down on the bed, so we thought we'd make it special for our bat daddy. At this point, he wrapped his arms around Bruce's neck, embracing him happily. "I know we haven't been getting along lately", he said, "but I figured now would be a good time to make it up." Dick pushed the thing foreward (which turned out to be a large tray heaped with food) onto Bruce's lap and sat down on the bed next to him. Tim sat down on his other side.

"We made the food all by ourselves", Tim said proudly.

"You know", Dick said, "like I did when I was nine, only this time, it's edible and I could reach the stove without climbing over everything. Speaking of which, I've decided that to commemorate this occasion, I'm going to act like a nine year old all day today."

"Ohh joy", Bruce grumbled.

"Be happy", Tim said, "we wanted to make this special for you." Bruce cautiously took a bite of his eggs, which were grouped together in a strange shape.

"Well", he said, "I'm not dead so I'd say this day has started out pretty good. What's with the oddly shaped food?"

"Ohh", said Dick, "we decided we were going to cut everything into a bat shape, except someone doesn't know how to used a knife."

"Hey man, look, I was doing the best I could."

"They look like bats", Bruce said.

"See", said Tim, sticking out his tongue.

"Wake up dumb ass", Dick said, "he's just saying that to make you feel better."

"Hey, shut your mouth nine year old", Bruce said, "I'm trying to enjoy my eggs."

"Yea", said Tim, "his _bat shaped_ eggs." After Bruce had finished his food, Dick and Tim scurried off to get his presents.

"You have to open mine first", Dick said, hollering as he rushed in the room.

"No", said Tim, "you have to open mine."

"Yours is stupid, mine is way better", said Dick. Both boy's grabbed Bruce by the arms and dragged him down the stairs and into the living room where they forced him down onto a large armchair. Then, they piled the gifts next to Bruce's feet.

"Who's this one from", Bruce asked, lifting the foremost gift from the top of the pile.

"Ohh", said Dick, "that's from both of us. We made it together, as a team."

"Great" said Bruce, "now if you could figure out how to do anything else as a team." He looked at the present for a moment. "You know", he said, "this is rather poorly wrapped."

"Just open it", Tim snapped. Bruce ripped off the paper and saw what looked like a small stack of colorful papers stapled together.

"Hey", he said, "I haven't gotten one of these since Dick was too cheap to get me a gift for Christmas when he was fifteen." Sitting on his lap was a coupon book.

"Yea", Dick grumbled, "I stopped trying that when you gave me one for my sixteenth. That was embarrassing. All my friends were there too." Tim snickered.

"I can just see the look on your face", he said. Dick stuck his tongue out at him. Bruce opened the book.

"Hmm", he said, "first one, Dick will give Bruce a hug. Wow, you really went out on a limb for that one Dick. You know, it was cute when you were nine, but now it's just cheap."

"Ohh", said Dick, "are you saying you don't want your coupon, because I can take it back."

"Maybe I'll just redeem in front of all your friends at the Police station." Dick shook his head.

"You wouldn't", he said. Bruce shrugged.

"I don't know", he replied mysteriously, "Anyway, next one. Tim will clean the kitchen the next time Alfred goes on vacation. Hey, now I like that one. Alright Timmy, you're my new favorite child." He put an arm around Tim, who laughed.

"Hey", said Dick, "what about my hug coupon?"

"Lame", said Bruce.

"Well", said Dick, "look at the next one." Bruce turned the page.

"Dick will take care of Bruce in his old age. Gee Dick, you're kind. Without this coupon redeem when I'm older, I could be shuffled off to a nursing home. Now, I don't have to fear that anymore. Even though it's like what, another thirty years away."

"No time like the present to start planning for the future," Dick said brightly. Bruce looked at the next coupon.

"Tim will think up an excuse for Bruce next time Clark tries to take him golfing. Great. You know Dick, I like Tim's better so far."

"Well", said Dick, "in the middle of the night, I'm going to steal your coupon and you'll end up at Sunny Vista retirement center and then you're gona be like, 'Dick, please don't send me to a nursing home' and I'll be like, 'coupon.' And you'll be like, 'but I don't have your coupon anymore.' And I'll be like, 'sorry Bruce' and male nurses'll drag you to bingo and prune juice hell." Bruce smirked.

"I'll take my chances", he said. "Next one, Dick will clean the Batcave for a month."

"Hey", said Dick, "it so does not say that."

"Yes, it does", said Bruce, "see for yourself."

"I didn't write this", said Dick. He looked up murderously and said in a dark voice, "Timothy!"

"What", Tim asked, standing next to Bruce, "I thought maybe I would put in another one for you."

"Well", said Dick, "I'm not doing it."

"You signed an agreement Dick", Bruce said, lifting the book, "right here in the back."

"Let me see that", Dick snapped, grabbing the book.

"It's a binding contract", Bruce said.

"Written in crayon", Dick retorted.

"I don't care if its written in your blood, you have to follow what it says. Now, I think I'd like to redeem this coupon right this second." Dick grumbled and took the coupon.

"I'm gona kill you, you little piece of filth," he snapped at Tim.

Tim stuck his tongue out and said, "Open your next gift Bruce."

"That one's from me", said Dick. "Hold on." He hauled himself onto Bruce's lap and said, "Since I am a nine year old today, I have to sit on your lap while you open your gift."

"Dick", Bruce groaned, "You're heavy."

"So what", said Dick, "You do it for love." He wrapped one arm around Bruce's neck and the other used to give Bruce his gift. Bruce opened the envelope on top first and found himself looking at a colorful, homemade card.

"Gee Dick, you couldn't even buy me a card."

"You told me when I was ten that you liked homemade gifts better."

"Yea, when you were ten. Now, I like store bought gifts."

"Well", said Dick, sounding affronted.

"You haven't done drawings like this since you were ten", Bruce said, looking at the card. "I happen to know for a fact that you can draw better then that these days."

"Yea well, today I'm your little Dickie." He pushed his head up against Bruce's chest. "I'll always be your little Dickie." Bruce ruffled his hair.

"Alright, lets see this gift." He opened it. "It's a tie with…owls on it."

"I went to that creepy store downtown and tried to find you a bat tie, but they didn't have any left", said Dick, "so I got the next best thing."

"Dick", Tim said, "owls eat bats."

"Precisely", said Dick. "When people see him wearing that tie, they'll be like, well, he must be the Batman. And then they'll be like, no he can't be the Batman because he's wearing owls so he must hate bats. And then, your secret identity will be safe."

"Thank you Dick", Bruce said.

"Better not hug me", Dick said, "or you'll have to redeem your coupon."

"Ohh", said Bruce, "ok."

"Here", said Dick, "I'll give you a free one." He embraced Bruce and then hopped up off his lap. "That was my gift", he said, "now for Timmy's gift." He grabbed Tim around the middle and before the protesting thirteen year old could wiggle out of his grasp, he plopped him down on Bruce's lap.

"There", Dick said, "now you can open Timmy's gift." Bruce opened the card first. "Hah", said Dick, "his is homemade too."

"Yea", Tim retorted, "but my drawings are better then yours."

"He's right Dick", Bruce said gravely, "his drawings are better."

"Well", said Dick, arms crossed, "I guess you just don't like anything you've been given today. I should just leave." He turned around, his back to Bruce. Bruce smirked and elbowed Tim.

"Alright", he said, "for Tim's gift."

"It's kinda dumb", Tim said blushing, "I mean, I didn't really know what to get you." Bruce opened it and gasped.

"It's the history of the smoke pellet", he said. "Ohh, where did you find it Tim, I've been looking for this for ages." Tim shrugged.

"I found it at a used bookstore and figured you'd maybe like it."

"I love it Tim, thank you." He pulled Tim to his chest in an affectionate hug.

"What about my gift?" Dick asked affronted.

"What about it", Bruce asked, "I loved it."

"Thank you", said Dick, "that is an appropriate response. Now, I'm going to sit on your lap again."

"No Dick no", Bruce said, but Dick forced himself onto Bruce's lap a second time and wrapped his arms around Bruce's neck. He grinned at him. "Daddy", he said. Bruce rolled his eyes.

"You didn't even call me that when you were nine", he said.

"I did that one time", Dick said, "remember, on patrol when we were after the Joker, I called you daddy by accident."

"I remember that", said Bruce.

"You did?" Tim asked, feeling somewhat out of the loop as the other two reminisced on old times. Bruce put an arm around Tim.

"Yup", he said, "that was really funny."

"Hah, you're such a loser Dick", Tim said. Dick stuck out his tongue.

"Alright, well, not that it isn't fun having a one hundred and twenty pound man, emphasis on man, on my lap, I think it would be best if you let me up now." Dick jumped off his lap and Tim scooted off as well.

"Timmy still fits though", Dick said, ruffling Tim's hair. Bruce smirked.

"I guess he does."

"Speaking of guessing", said Dick, "guess where me and Timmy plan to take you today?"

"Where", Bruce asked.

"We're gona go to the zoo", Tim said.

"Aww Tim, I was gona surprise him", Dick said, "anyway, yea we are and we're gona see the bears and the elephants and the hippos and the tigers…"

"Dick, please don't name off all the animals."

"You liked it when I was nine."

"Yea well, you're not nine."

"Sure I am", said Dick, and he grabbed Bruce's shoulder's hauling himself up onto the Dark Knight's back. "Piggy back ride", he said excitedly.

"Do you even know how wrong that looks", Tim asked.

"Dick", Bruce gasped, "you're gona break my back."

"No silly", said Dick, "I'm not. You're strong."

"Get off me Dick", Bruce said.

"No", said Dick, "you are going to carry me all the way to the car and you're going to act happy about it like you did when I was little Dickie." Bruce rolled his eyes and walked through the doorway, the young man still on his back. "See", said Dick, "you're strong. Come on up here too Timmy."

"No", said Bruce.

"Yea", said Dick, and he grabbed Tim's arm, pulling him up. Tim climbed up Dick and took up a position on Bruce's shoulders. Alfred walked through to the hallway where they were and looked with raised eyebrows at Bruce, laden down by his two sons piled on his back.

"Alfred", Bruce said through gasps, "come rescue me."

"Actually Master Bruce", Alfred said, "I have some things to attend to so I really don't have time." He walked out.

"Traitor", Bruce called after him.

"Lets go to the zoo", Dick said insistently. He kicked his heels against Bruce's sides.

"Going", Bruce said, and labored out the door to the car.

00000000

Superman was flying as quickly as he could through Metropolis, the rest of the league at his heels, or rather, a ways behind him, minus the Flash, who was up in front. What Superman was confused about however, was that Batman was noticeably absent.

Batman had, in Superman's experience at least, an uncanny ability to sniff out trouble and be wherever it was before everyone else so it surprised Superman that Batman wasn't already beating up Lex Luthor. He decided to call the Dark Knight and find out where he was.

Superman rang the communicator and waited. A few moments later, an irritated Bruce Wayne in black sunglasses answered. "Can I help you", he snapped. Superman was not perturbed by the other man's irritability however, because he knew Bruce was basically always irritable. What did confuse him, however, was the bright sunshine streaming through some pleasant looking trees behind Bruce and a loud chorus of happy voices from maybe a hundred different people. Superman wondered if Bruce was in some kind of trouble. These were the least Brucish surroundings he had ever seen.

"Bruce, where are you?" Superman asked.

"Never mind that", Bruce said, "what is it you want?"

"Bruce, Bruce", Superman heard an insistent voice say in the background, "I challenged you, now you have to comply."

"Dick", Bruce said, "I'm on the communicator, leave me alone."

"Is that Dick", Superman asked, "what are you guys doing?"

"Hey Supes", Dick said and Superman got a brief glimpse of Dick Greyson, long dark hair pulled back in his customary pony tail and dark glasses sitting on his head. Then, Bruce's face took up the view.

"Bruce, what are you…"

"Bruce my impression of an elephant is better than yours admit it."

"Hold on Superman", Bruce said sounding exasperated. Then, he turned to Dick. "Dick, I am so much better then you at everything I do, its not even funny how much I own you."

"Prove it", Dick said. Bruce made a noise that sounded so close to an elephant, Superman would have thought Bruce was right next to one.

"Hah", Bruce said. Dick stuck out his bottom lip.

"Yea well, I'm still prettier then you."

"Dick", Superman heard another voice call, "I think these two moose are mating or something."

"Ohh, I wanna see", Dick said, rushing over.

"Aww", Bruce called, "it's like you and Barbara."

"Shut up Bruce", Dick snapped.

"Yea", said Tim, "except Dick's the one on the bottom."

"Tim", Dick said, "I'm gona kill you."

"Bruce", Superman said, "I demand to know what's going on. It sounds like you guys are at the zoo."

"What would make you say that?" Bruce asked, tilting his head back so Superman couldn't see the elephant hat Dick had bought him.

"Bruce, we need you here, we're fighting Lex."

"Well uhh, we're having a crisis here too", Bruce said, walking over to stand next to the boys. "Right boys."

"Yea", Tim said.

"What?" Dick asked, a blank look on his face, "And no Tim, those moose are not mating, you are so stupid."

"They still look like you and Barbara."

"Shut up", Dick said, "you look like that rhino's ass."

"What crisis might that be?" Superman asked sarcastically.

"We're uh…we're fighting the Joker", Bruce said.

"Where is he?" Superman asked.

"He's right over there", Bruce said, waving his arm vaguely. Out of the corner of his mouth he hissed, "Dick, give him a joker laugh." Superman heard a cracked, strange sound that almost might have been a dying cow. "Dick", Bruce said exasperated, "that was horrible." Superman heard another sound from the other side of the communicator that sounded almost like the Joker.

"Ohh, nice one baby bro", Dick said.

"See", Bruce said, "the first one was the Joker's cow."

"Yea, sure Bruce, whatever", Superman said.

"Ohh sorry", Bruce replied, "The Joker's blocking your signal." As if on cue, the two boys started making crackling noises and Bruce gave a giggle.

"Batman", Superman said, "don't you dare." Then, the screen went dead. Superman gave a growl and headed for Gotham. He was going to have a chat with the Dynamic Trio.

00000000

When Superman landed, he changed into his Clark Kent clothes and walked swiftly through the zoo, using his X-ray vision to sweep the area. He quickly found Bruce standing next to Dick, gazing at some giraffes as they fed off the leaves. "You know", Dick said, "that looks like such a peaceful life. It must be so awesome to be giraffe."

"Yea", Bruce said, "but I think I'd rather be something smaller. Giraffes don't fit in caves."

"Yea", said Dick, "but I wouldn't want to be something that could be eaten, maybe I'd be a hawk or something."

"I think I'd like to be a mouse, then I could just eat seeds and hide in holes all day."

"Aww", said Dick, "I might accidentally swoop down and eat my daddy." Bruce grinned at him.

"I guess that would ruin the father's day festivities." Dick giggled.

"It certainly would." Bruce put an arm around his shoulders and they gazed at the giraffes. Clark strode over purposefully.

"Bruce", he said, and both Bruce and Dick looked over.

"Ohh great", Bruce said, "it's Kansas boy. You know, if I were you, I would go visit the petting zoo. That'll remind you a little more of home. You might even find one or your old girlfriends." Dick started to snicker and Clark scowled.

"Bruce" he said, "you are not fighting the Joker, you lied to me."

"Sorry", Bruce said, "we're not fighting him, we're watching him."

"Well then where is he?" Clark challenged.

"Right there", Bruce said, pointing.

"All I see is a giraffe."

"Looking in the mirror are we Clarky", Dick asked with a snigger.

"That's the Joker in a giraffe suit", Bruce said, "what did you think that was, a real giraffe."

"Yeesh Clark", Dick said admonishingly, "get your act together, your way below your game."

"That is not the Joker", Clark said.

"Sure it is", Bruce replied.

"I'm using my X-ray vision on it right now Bruce, it's a giraffe."

"The Joker just lined the inside with kryptonite", Bruce said, "and put some other stuff in there to make you think you were seeing guts."

"Plus", said Dick, "there are really no such things as giraffes. They're a government conspiracy." Clark gave Dick a withering look.

"I'm serious", said Dick, putting on his most innocent face, "go ask the Question."

"The Question thinks everything is a government conspiracy."

"Maybe my life is just one big lie", Dick said wistfully.

"Bruce", a voice called. Bruce looked over to see Tim running up to him at top speed, an anguished look on his face.

"What is it Tim?" Bruce asked.

"That girl over there is really hot but no matter how long I stand there next to her, she doesn't take any notice of me. She just keeps talking to her friends."

"Let me help", Bruce said.

"Seriously", Clark asked. "Bruce, the world could be coming to end if Luthor wins. I think that might be slightly more important then your thirteen-year-old's failed attempts at romance."

"Shut up Smallville, I don't want him to end up alone like you," Bruce said.

"What about you?" Clark asked.

"That's personal choice", Bruce replied, "You're just not man enough to talk to one stupid reporter chick. Now stay out of this, we're having a family crisis. You should talk to her Timmy"

"I can't", Tim wailed, "I look horrible."

"Nah", said Dick, "you're a sexy beast."

"You said I looked like that rhino's ass", Tim said miserably.

"I didn't mean it", Dick replied, "I was just kidding. You're a total stud. Now, go talk to her."

"Yea", said Bruce, "tell her she's sexy. Use my pickup line, the one I used to get that Russian chick. Never fails."

"Ohh yea", said Dick, "and if she looks grossed out, pretend to have been hitting on one of her less attractive friends. That'll make her really jealous."

"You think she'll look grossed out," Tim asked, sounding agonized.

"No", Dick replied quickly, "I just mean on the incredibly small chance she won't be really attracted to you."

"And don't try the awkward, bumbling Clark approach. Most of them don't like that", said Bruce.

"Hey", said Clark, "who was still standing there, I've had lots of girlfriends."

"Yea, if you count the pigs on daddy's farm", Dick said. Bruce sniggered. "Alright Tim", Dick said, "go for the kill." Tim walked off, fists clinched.

"Dick", Clark said, "I have had girlfriends, I think you're spending too much time with Bruce."

"But none your own species", Dick challenged.

"Well, no but…"

"No buts", Dick said, "admit it, you're unattractive to your own species."

"All the people of my species are dead Dick. Well, I don't see them lining up in a hurry to come back to the land of the living. Besides, Kara's still alive."

"She's my cousin."

"A real man inspires incest in others", Dick said.

"Dick that's gross", Clark replied.

"Shh", Bruce said, "here comes Tim."

"Well?" Dick asked.

Tim beamed at them and said with barely contained excitement, "I have a date on Friday."

"Alright", Bruce said.

"That's my bro", Dick exclaimed, hugging him.

"She's gona see", Tim hissed, "let me go."

"Alright", said Dick, "I won't embarrass my little kid brother in front of his new potential girlfriend."

"Bruce", said Tim, "can you get us reservations at that one really nice restaurant, that one you like?"

"Sure", said Bruce, "did you get her number?"

"Yea", said Tim.

"You should check to make sure it's a real number", Dick said, "when I was sixteen, this chick gave me her number and it was really just the number for the teen crisis hotline. It was so embarrassing." Tim snickered.

"That would happen to you", Bruce said mildly, "everything happens to you."

"She asked me if I wanted to hang out with her and her friends", Tim continued, "but I told her I was spending the day with you."

"Aww", said Bruce, "we wouldn't have minded."

"Its cool", Tim said, "its your day."

"What do you mean?" Clark asked quizzically.

"It's Father's day", Tim said, "this is Bruce's special day."

"So come on Clark", Dick said, putting his arm around Bruce's neck, "let us have this day." Clark heaved a sigh.

"I'm still not buying the thing with the giraffe," he said seriously.

"What thing with the giraffe?" Tim asked.

"Nothing" said Dick, grinning, "tell you later kiddo."

"Thanks Clark", Bruce said. Clark shrugged.

"I suppose its kind of refreshing to see that you're human."

"Bruce isn't human", Dick said, "he's one of those mole people that live under your feet." Clark rolled his eyes and walked away.

"Have a nice day Bruce", he called.

"Thanks" said Bruce.

"Watch your garden", Dick called, "they're coming for you." Clark looked back for a moment at Bruce and his family. "Carry me to the bears daddy", Dick said, hopping into Bruce's arms and kicking his legs. Clark grinned as he watched Tim jumping angrily at Bruce's heels, hissing.

"You guy's are embarrassing me", he snapped, "you look gay."

"Ohh Brucie, I can't wait to get you home so we can get it on", Dick said lustily, running a finger down Bruce's chest.

"Dick", Tim moaned. Bruce let go of Dick, who toppled to the ground.

"Hey Tim", he said, "I'll beat you to the hot dogs."

"You're on", Tim said.

"Hey guys wait up", Dick called, and off they ran.

0000000

"Best father's day ever", Dick said in a high voice and he bounced in the doorway with Bruce and Tim following in his wake. Tim was riding on Bruce's back and carrying a large stuffed polar bear. Bruce let him hop down.

"I trust you sirs had a good day", Alfred said.

"The best Al", Dick replied.

"Well master Dick, I took the liberty of preparing your old room, since I assumed you were staying the night."

"I am", said Dick, "but Bruce has to read me a bedtime story."

"Maybe I will", Bruce said, "but you're not crawling into my bed tonight. I draw the line there."

"But what if I have bad dreams", Dick said, sticking out his bottom lip.

"Deal with it", Bruce growled.

"I also bought that movie you wanted to see Master Tim, that violent one I'm not going to watch with you."

"Alright", said Tim, "Will you guys watch?"

"Sure", said Dick, "I'm always up for a movie."

"Shower first", Alfred said.

"Aww come on Alfred", Dick replied, "I don't smell that bad."

"You three smell like a zoo", Alfred said.

"Shower." Dick rolled his eyes and darted up the stairs.

00000000

After the movie, Dick bounced gleefully up to his room and sat down on his bed. "Alright Bruce", he said, "read us a story." "Ohh, wait, wait, wait." he pushed Bruce until he was sitting down in a chair next to his bed and climbed into his lap.

"Dick", Bruce groaned, "you're too big."

"Ohh, come on pops, I'm only nine. Now, tickle me like I'm a nine year old." Tim snickered.

"No", said Bruce, "you're a grown man, I'm not going to tickle you."

"Aww", Dick said, "just a little tickle, please." Bruce rolled his eyes and tickled him. Dick giggled and squirmed.

"Alright", he said, "you can stop."

"Good", said Bruce.

"Now", said Dick, "I want a cuddle and you can start the story." Bruce gave him a withering look and then cuddled him for a moment.

"Are you done forcing me to humiliate myself in front of my youngest son?" he asked, indicating Tim, who was sitting on the bed.

"Not quite", Dick said, "no cuddle is complete without a kiss. Now, give me a kiss and we can start the story." Bruce rolled his eyes and then kissed his eldest son's forehead.

"Are we done?" he asked.

"Yes", said Dick, "we are done."

"I wish I could have been raised by you Bruce", Tim said through a laugh, "it looks like you guys had a lot of fun."

"Ohh", said Bruce, "you wouldn't want to be raised by me, you'd turn out screwed up like this one." He indicated Dick, sprawled in his lap.

"Hey", said Dick, 'that's not very nice. I think you made a wonderful daddy."

"Anything would be better then my father", Tim said in a soft grumble.

"Well", said Dick, "you don't have to think about him anymore because now we are all one big happy family. And, because I have already had thirteen lovely years on the lap of Bruce, I will now pass that honor onto you." He hopped off of Bruce's lap and grabbed Tim, placing him on it. He patted Tim's head and said, "let the story reading commence."

"Alright", said Bruce, "but if you make me read that stupid three bears book, I'll kill you, nine year old or not."

"Let Timmy pick", Dick said.

"I don't know any good stories", Tim said.

"Just pick one", Dick replied, "pick a classic."

"Alright", said Tim, "I guess…well, my mom read me the three little pigs once."

"The three little pigs it is", Dick said, bouncing away to get the book.

"Why is everything three?" Bruce grumbled, "three bears, three pigs. Can't we have five pigs for once, or seventeen bears?"

Dick came back a few minutes later with a book in his hand and said, "Bruce, sit on the bed so we can both sit next to you."

"Dick, it's almost two in the morning, can't we just go to bed?"

"No", Dick whined, "I want a story and Timmy wants a story too." Bruce looked down questioningly at Tim, who shrugged.

"Ohh alright", Bruce said and got up to sit on the bed. Dick hopped up next to him and put his head on Bruce's lap.

"Read", he demanded. Tim curled up on Bruce's other side. Bruce put an arm around him.

"Ok", said Bruce, "once upon a time there were three little pigs. There was a Bruce pig, a Dickie pig and a Timmy pig."

"That's not how the story goes", Dick said.

"Well", said Bruce, "I'm improvising."

When Alfred came in at about three in the morning to tell his charges it was time to getting to bed, he found them all fast asleep. Bruce was slumped, though still sitting up, with Tim leaning up heavily against him on his left and Dick with his head on his father's lap on Bruce's right. Alfred sighed and smiled. Then, after a moment of indecision, he turned out the lights.

"Let them sleep", he said softly to himself, "its not like they get peace very often anyway." Then, he walked quietly away.


End file.
